Tess Ellen

As a young woman, I was really affected by books & movies which all seemed to tell me that girl/girl friendships were at their strongest within a pack.

The Babysitters Club books (oh my!) & episodes of Sex & The City — two things that influenced me heavily when I was growing up — reinforced this message, & as I moved from my teens into my early twenties, I kept waiting for the gaggle of best female friends that never materialised. I wanted to do “brunch with the girls” every Sunday, I wanted to have a group of women I did everything with — & it never happened. It made me think there was something wrong with me.

But as I got older, I realised that this gaggle of close-knit girlfriends never transpired because I don’t really like being in group situations! (When I do, this weird maternal instinct takes over, where I get obsessed with making sure everyone else is having a good time.) I relish spending time with just one person at a time; it’s when I’m at my best. What’s more, I think all that time wishing I had those kinds of friendships blinded me to what I do have.

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The truth is that these people don’t appear in your life all at once, or even when you think you need them. The friendships that mean the most to me are ones I have cultivated over many years & several continents, & there have been plenty of missteps along the way! I’ve had friendships explode, & I’ve watched them fizzle out to nothing.

Ultimately, you never really know who’s going to stick around, & who’s going to slink out of your life. All you can do is show your appreciation for the ones who are in your orbit, & send out your love to the people who aren’t with you any longer. As much as it hurts, sometimes friendships don’t last forever… But do they all need to? You can learn just as much from someone you’ve known a month as someone you’ve known for over a decade.

My point is this: if you’re feeling unloved, you are so much more adored than you know. You’re adored by people from your past, people in your present, & people you have yet to meet. You are loved. I promise.